Scary, eh?

What beckons from the other side of the gate?

When I think about transformation I get scared. The old life is so familiar and easy to understand. I keep my head down, and my eyes focused on whatever is immediately in front of my feet. Otherwise, I am afraid I'll get overwhelmed with all the colors and smells. The times I have been able to made adjustments to my life have been rare. It has taken a trip to the doctor's office, or losing a job. I don't make changes unless I have to, unless there are no other choices. I don't move unless I get evicted.

Dan talked this morning about finding the joy in righteousness, in our new identity. I made a list of all the good things that could come of living a more pure life, of purging destructive habits. It wasn't very exciting. I use lists as something to hide behind, they look so official, but rarely translate into real accomplishment. I tried to imagine that I was being told to "walk the plank" by a jolly pirate, whose sword is very sharp, but who secretly knows that I can fly, and all I need is a little shove. I am at the point where the end is looming, I am about to pee my pants and a voice in my head is whispering that the water can't be that bad, that it might actually be fun to take a swim on this fine, sunny afternoon.

CMO