Monday, January 15, 2007
longing for purity
why is it so easy to want to change and yet so hard to actually do it? i have come so far in claiming victory over sin in my life, and today i found myself faced with yet another temptation. i went through the entire of process of weighing whether i should give in to temptation or not. i clearly had a way out and what did i do? i gave in! does it mean i'm back where i started 4 years ago when i began really seeking freedom from this particular sin? no, but it certainly makes me feel like a wretched waste of God's time. i often wonder how long the Lord will offer me a way out...how many times He'll forgive me before His grace runs out...and i sometimes wonder if i will ever be fully free. my heart cries out - LORD FORGIVE ME! I NEED YOU! I CANNOT FIGHT THIS FIGHT ON MY OWN AND I NEED YOU EVERY MINUTE...TO STAND WITH ME AND BRING ME INTO COMPLETE FREEDOM. and in my heart, i know He hears and with new hope, i step forward, believing His desire for my freedom is even greater than my own. i sinned. i chose to bow to temptation instead of running from it. it was a moment of weakness that i will one day have to give an account for, but it does not erase all that God has done. today i choose purity. i choose freedom. i choose to believe i am forgiven. i choose to be renewed and transformed. i am not my sin and i will not let it rule me. i am a beloved daughter of the King. a sinner saved by grace. purified. loved. accepted. and free.
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2 comments:
i totally can empathize with you on this one...
i hate when i am faced with temptation and i actually sit there and decided whether or not i should give into it...i long and pray for the day when [you and] i will run away from sin more than i [we] give into it.
God is good, and full of grace...
and even though we shouldn't live life relying on the grace as i know that i sometimes find myself doing, it is always there, never-ending.
thank you Jesus for that.
<3
i also totally resonate with your cry for purity when tempted. i often think that sin leads us to a deeper dependence on god, as we see our own attempts at righteousness as pretty lame in the end. i struggled this past spring very specifically with totally going against what i know God wanted for me. i remember regretting it the whole time it was happening. when i finally decided to stop pretending that god couldnt see me and turn my head back in his direction, i expected him to hit me over the head with guilt. instead, i was met with grace and acceptance... and a realization of how much i needed him. hang in there, you are not alone in your struggle (we are all sinners) and are not alone in your process (God is there through every twist and turn)
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